Monday, January 25, 2010

Whispers.

This page seemed best left untouched.
Until music on a friend's blog left words itching at my fingertips.
There are treasured moments
When the times of sands meet and
The world rights itself for
Just a brief second.
Bringing Hope.
Renewal.
Passion.
And a sense that maybe,
Just maybe,
The scars that once brought us together
And then tore us apart,
Will finally fade into the distance.
And maybe then,
We can go back,
Crawl our way back,
To being a family.
Grief rains its pouring tears down.
Grief brings flood after flood of emotion and
Heartache.
Loss brings confusion, anger, hopelessness
Loneliness.
When four become three,
Three become
Alone.
And then more alone
Before time can bring
Us back.
Before the times of sands meet in a specific spot.
How do you reach healing and wholeness?
How do you recover after losing a part of
Your family Unit.
I would say,
One day at a time.
One painstaking tear after another.
One desperate grasp for understanding
And one ounce of acceptance at a
Time.
There is plenty to miss.
But there is more to live.
The steps continue.
Years out.
The times of sands run and run and run.
Once in a while,
They run into something,
Good.
Whole.
and
Healing.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Stars

When I worked at camp, one of my favorite things to do at night was to stare at the stars. They are beautiful there. Absolutely beautiful. I'd look up at the summer sky to the dots and feel safe, comfort, and awe. There is something about looking up at the stars that is calming to me.

Tonight I felt the same feeling. I don't usually bother to look up too often these days. I live in a city and the stars aren't always bright enough for me to really notice. But as I was driving, the sudden memory of looking up at the stars at camp brought me great peace. And so I looked up. Although it is a crisp and very cold Northern Iowa night (the kind of cold where you walk outside and can hardly breath), the sky was lovely. Clouds and stars combined in a symphony of comfort. Like a warm hot chocolate.

Perhaps it is God's wink to me. A reminder that He's just waiting for me to figure some things out, but that He's around, just like those stars are. I forget to look up and sometimes refuse to look up because it can be scary to think that you are so small and Something can possibly be so big. Especially when that really big thing doesn't always make a lot of sense. Sounds kind of like life.

I like the idea of stars shining on a dark night. I like the idea that there is always some sort of light shining down on us, either the sun or the sun's reflection, or the stars. It makes me think that in the midst of my own life that there is always some sort of light shining down on me. Even on those days when I try very hard to dodge that light. I'd call that light God. But more so I'd call signs of God hope. And that's what I need. I need hope.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews.

I do not write on here often but when I do, the words pour from the depths of my soul and from the chambers of my heart. This is an example. I hope that you take time to look up at the stars tonight. That in the vast darkness, those stars, that light, will remind you to hope.