Fair

Have you ever had the feeling that life's not fair?

Sometimes that overwhelming feeling makes me want to lie on the floor and pound my fists and kick my feet just like a good old two-year old tantrum.

Wedding events approaching, I couldn't be more excited. Yet only one thing makes my heart want to slow down. To say, wait. We're missing something. Wait, I can't do this.

If you know me, and most people who read this do, you perhaps know I'm talking about my mom. Every girl is supposed to have her mom at her wedding, right?

Ah. Just another season. Another season of grief. Another life event to stop and take note. Take note of her. Her impact and her absence.

Yet, the journey continues, and I have met great people along this journey. I have the family I have now. And couldn't be more thankful.

Bittersweet as always. She'll never see my kids, but perhaps I can show them pieces of her, She won't be at my wedding, but perhaps my smile, will remind others of hers. She won't ever see or stay in my house, but perhaps her picture will make it feel more full.

I am content to grieve. To know in my grief, I remember her, and to know, she wanted me to have the most fulfilling life possible, as any mother would. To know, she'd be so happy for me.

Failures in Relation to Success

Well.

Life has really picked up from average to speedy.

Plans. Houses. Dreams.

Although I am very busy right now, I also feel my future is in the palm of my hand. Together we are going to achieve our goals.

It's funny how some seasons in life everything seems to go the opposite of your way, even if you cause some of that. And other times everything seems to fall into place like a five-piece puzzle. You can see where all the pieces fit before you even start.

We found a house! A perfect house for two people starting out together. We are in the process of working toward finalizing details to acquire the house.

In other news, working with the 2-3 year olds has been, well, a lot of work lately. I love those kids, but sometimes I wish I could pass up the diaper changes and tantrums for kids just a year or so older. Another goal I am working toward.

I feel a year makes such a difference. A year ago I had no confidence about my teaching skills or relationship skills. I had no firm ideas about what I wanted from life. I felt frustrated and powerless. Yet, I know if I hadn't gone through that, I wouldn't have the drive to finally get my goals achieved now. Relationship and career goals.

I am back in school to get my Early Childhood Certificate and with 2 classes down, I already feel the pull of knowing I am supposed to teach ages 3-7, because I have knack with those little guys.

I feel life tends to straighten itself out if we give it time. I can't help but also feel God provides maturity as we fail which leads to success. Well. This is all I have time for! ( :