Fair

Have you ever had the feeling that life's not fair?

Sometimes that overwhelming feeling makes me want to lie on the floor and pound my fists and kick my feet just like a good old two-year old tantrum.

Wedding events approaching, I couldn't be more excited. Yet only one thing makes my heart want to slow down. To say, wait. We're missing something. Wait, I can't do this.

If you know me, and most people who read this do, you perhaps know I'm talking about my mom. Every girl is supposed to have her mom at her wedding, right?

Ah. Just another season. Another season of grief. Another life event to stop and take note. Take note of her. Her impact and her absence.

Yet, the journey continues, and I have met great people along this journey. I have the family I have now. And couldn't be more thankful.

Bittersweet as always. She'll never see my kids, but perhaps I can show them pieces of her, She won't be at my wedding, but perhaps my smile, will remind others of hers. She won't ever see or stay in my house, but perhaps her picture will make it feel more full.

I am content to grieve. To know in my grief, I remember her, and to know, she wanted me to have the most fulfilling life possible, as any mother would. To know, she'd be so happy for me.