Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Combination

Next year the school that I am student teaching at will begin a transition. They are going to be combined with another small school in the area.

Many many many teachers at my current school are going to be putting their names in for a transfer. Not simply because of the combining, but mostly because the other school's principal has more years than ours and so therefore automatically will become the principal of our school next year.

Our school is mostly Hispanic and theirs is mostly African American.

Each group of teachers, students, and staff, I'm sure, has something to say about the other.

The school I'm working at now is going to look very different in the coming years. It's so strange to think about.

In other news, I overheard another younger teacher, about four or five years older than me, commenting on my hair. I'm almost positive this was the case- when I asked to join them, the subject was AUTOMATICALLY changed. Awkward. Yup. my hair is thick, messy, and bushy. Gees. It kind of reminded me of HIGH SCHOOL! ha. whatever. The funny thing is, I didn't care then and I don't really care now. PS- I don't mind if you GIVE me advice on my hair/clothes/make-up, but just TELL me if you have something to say about it. It really won't hurt my feelings. My hair is dead anyways! Beauty is not something I work hard for. haha. no way.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

"Aint I a Woman?"

This phrase is known by many.

Recently, I've been considering what it means to be a woman.

I didn't shave my legs until about my junior year in high school - I'm sure some girls start as soon as fifth grade

I didn't wear make-up until I started student teaching.

I never wore anything but jeans and t-shirts until this fall.

I never put anything in my hair until last year.

Notice a pattern?

While I am attempting to begin to prepare myself to be a professional woman in the world, part of me wonders if the girl I was will get left behind.

The one that knew she didn't have to dress up, make-up, or worry about excessive leg hairs. ha. Yet I never felt unwomanly.

I recently was talking to a friend, about how girls have brought into so many things that they think they need to be "beautiful." I watched an old episode of "America's Next Top Model" last night. Just think, if a girl asked to be photographed without make-up, what would happen?

Who are we trying to impress? We all know that under the make-up every woman has flaws.

Do men think we need it too? I know my fiance def. doesn't think I need it.

I mean, our skin probably gets so messed up and wrinkly because we put so many weird things on it.

Anyways, thinking about this sometimes makes me annoyed that certain things are required. I do not think that make-up makes us more or less beautiful. Nor do I think skirts and dresses and high heels make us more or less feminine.

I hope my man, if we ever have a daughter together, will tell his babies they are beautiful.

There is a book called "Captivating". It's about women. It's a really girly book about what it is to be a woman.

I tried to read it, but, honestly, if you already feel like you are beautiful, the words the author writes can seem silly. Of course a woman is beautiful. Of course I am beautiful. (Secret: I am not beautiful because of how I look).

The most beautiful souls are sometimes covered in the strangest of skin. I have met so many beautiful people here. I once thought of people's spirits as "eternal souls". Getting down to people's souls is really amazing.

just some thoughts.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

I miss you.

I miss your touch.

It's been so hard these last few days.

I can't even tell you why.

I simply know that

I miss you.

It's hard sometimes,

To find joy here.

When I feel half my heart is there.

I feel so at home in this church that I've found.

I'm so welcomed here.

Open arms and hearts.

Yet each time I go somewhere,

I feel my heart looks for you.

My hand looks for yours to hold.

How else can I describe,

This ache?

Yesterday I thought about the last time I saw you.

And I remember just driving away.

I thought about that first time you got angry at me,

Because I wouldn't sumo wrestle you.

I remember us making up.

Honestly and openly.

I came out loving you more.

I don't want this ache for you to go away,

Yet it's sometimes hard to live with.

I miss you.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Job.

This week i really came into myself.

I am the teacher.

This is MY class.

Yes, I share it, but these are my students.

I spend time with them everyday.

Something really great:

I've not once done something as in a job, where I didn't mind going. I LIKE this job! I like going to school everyday and leading a class. I like teaching students to be responsible and how to think. It's great. We have a great group of kids!

I am totally pumped to be a teacher for the rest of my life. It's going to be great. I feel this itch already to interview for jobs and talk to principals and explain to them why I AM the best candidate for the job.

I will start out by saying, I learned from the best! So true. First I learned from an amazing teacher at Price Lab School, and now I'm learning so many great management ideas from this teacher I am working with. I see everyday how the kids respect her, and I'm also seeing that with my push to become more assertive, the kids are learning to respect me too. They don't mind me teaching them things and doing lessons.

I am looking forward to taking over the class. I feel so comfortable with these kids after my teacher gave me more and more responsibility in the classroom. She has made it SO easy for both me and the kids to transition into me leading the class. I know I will teach my next classroom using many of her phrases...I can hear it now:

"Once you put your backpack away for the day, you can't go back to it because the "mini-hoonies" come take it away"

"I'm on page 55, I hope you are"

"Neon Flashing Sign" aka this is going to be on a test

"I like how you are getting right to work"

"I'm going to use the magical popsicle sticks to choose someone to answer this question" - pulling sticks with kids' names on them so you are sure to call on each of them.

"Oh, now I have to tell you a Ms. Olson story"

haha. This semester is tough, but it's been my favorite semester of college because I am finally, finally, finally doing what I enjoy doing, working with a great group of kids, and learning from a great teacher.

The only thing I miss in Iowa are the people. Just the people. Not going to class, not at all.

I am going to have a great job.

Teaching.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Curse of Youth.

Today I started thinking

Because my teacher said when I was present and we were interacting with another student teacher, "well, jill hasn't had a job, so I think this would be good...." (Speaking of attending a seminar on interviewing with principals).

Sigh.

How does one become "adult"?

I have worked the last three and a half years of my life.

hm.

I want to be perceived as a professional. As someone who can go into a classroom and do a good job. Yet because of my status:

"college student" "inexperienced" "young"

I am not considered a professional. Part of me wants to be like "HEY! didn't you start out like this too?!"

I think I am learning how young people are perceived in the professional world. I've been content to be a college student and haven't thought about being employed in the real world or how the real world would perceive me.

Yet this I am learning.

Sigh.

"I just want to grow up!"

Maybe it's OK though.

To have a semester to adjust to certain responsibilities. I will at least know all that is expected of me as a teacher after this. Maybe THEN

I'll be

A "professional" !

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Chocolate

Today is a come home and eat chocolate kind of day.

All morning I watched little children take a long standardized test. It was not very interesting.

Then, I did a lesson plan for my teacher, but hadn't realized I was also expected to do another lesson plan. So, I felt really bad for not having it done. I'm still getting used to the come home and plan lessons every night thing.

My teacher told me I need to be more assertive. I KNOW she's right. She has been pushing me a lot lately. I don't really like being pushed, but it IS actually really good for me. Through pushing me, she is teaching me to be on top of my lesson plans and on what is going on in the classroom. Good skills I will need as a first year teacher.

I think I'm going to work on being assertive. Ha. I think she just kind of scares me (she's really a good teacher, but also is really good at keeping the kids in line). Her boldness and teaching style sometimes make me worried that I am not good enough so sometimes I am timid and hesitant when it comes to doing what I do know how to do.

Today marks three years since my mom died. It seems like.....it was not that long ago, but it also seems like much has happened since then. It's weird how things like that feel.

I tried to get a library card today, but, apparently you have to have proof that you live in town. My driver's license says Iowa. Doesn't really work to get a library card. I have to go back later and bring a piece of mail to prove I'm good.

Yup. A eating chocolate kind of day.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

ahhhh...

as my comfort with this particular group of students increases, I find myself squealing with joy on the insides.

Even though it's been hard to adjust to being in a classroom EVERY day, and it's been difficult to know my co teacher's expectations, today I finally felt myself in the groove.

And I LOVE it. Love it. I love being a teacher.

Absolutely.

It's great.

I taught a lesson today and the kids were so quiet and listened well. I also LOVE third grade. Because it is so heavy with real learning. No cutesy stuff. Which is so good because, I just don't do cute. Third grade is all about responsibility. I can definitely handle that! These kids are just starting to become who they will be. They are starting to develop strengths and weaknesses that will be a part of them the rest of their lives. It's so cool to be able to be a part of that. To help students learn. I LOVE it.

I translated today! I'm sure it was mediocre Spanish, but still! It was great to be able to use it. LOVE it.

Today I love what I'm doing this semester.

I find myself finally feeling OK with being here and I am getting used to the fact that I live in a whole different place. It doesn't feel so strange which I am so glad for. It's good to be adjusting and adjusted. To feel like I belong and am accepted here, even if it's simply acceptance with other teachers and my aunt.

LOVE it.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Week Two of Ninos.

Whew. Welcome to September everyone.

It's odd how a particular month can hold certain associations. For me, September is the month I met, giggle, the man to whom I'm engaged.

It's also the month my mother died. Three years ago this month. Time has passed by and I feel like my life has been anything but uneventful.

This year it signifies me finding my comfort level as I am in a third grade classroom. I am starting to see and think of myself as "teacher". This is hard work considering I've thought of myself for the last four years as "college student".

Yet, in watching my teacher and in adapting her response to the students, I find the students respecting me alongside her. That could also be because they know she will come down on them if they don't listen to me. It's nice to have a back-up while I'm still learning.

Today we were attempting to master the art of bubble-in tests. You know, those ones you had to take all through high school and college if you went. Well, bubbling in answers is quite a feat for third graders. I asked many times "Why do you have two answers for the first letter of your name? You only fill in ONE bubble for each letter!" ha. That was just the name part!

All in all. It's going well. I am adjusting to the role a teacher plays and fighting myself to feel and be confident while I am still uncertain. Such is life.