Defining Moments er Thoughts

So Sunday I was driving along, thinking and contemplating, when a thought came to me.

I don't know if anyone else understands or relates to this, but this thought was kind of a defining moment...or thought..if you will. I say this because it is a thought that changed my attitude and my lack of action. Note: Not my lack of CARE but my lack of ACTION.

See. Sometimes I am a loner, a hermit, a fly under the radar kind of person when trouble or weird or hard things come my way. And sometimes, like a deck chair, I fall over in the midst of the wind of anything I don't know right away how to deal with or solve. After falling, I find a good place to burrow and dig deep. Stop.

Lately my position has been burrowed down. With just my eyes poking out to see if it's safe yet.

OK so this would all be well and good, because in all ways I am safe.

BUT I'm also missing out on everything. Absolutely everything that I know I want or need in my life. I miss out on relationships, honest conversations, honest self-prying, and love. Because it's hard to accept love when you are trying to remain....well...safe. Hidden. A hermit.

NOW. I know myself well enough to know, I've done this before. I know this feeling. And yet, I refuse to feel I should have reached this thought, this point sooner. For, I think, often times these types of life defining thoughts come at the moment we are ready to accept them. (Believe me others have told me life defining thoughts they knew would be good for me....but it doesn't mean anything until..well more on that later).

It's time to grow up. It's time to get out of the burrow. It's time to face love. It's time to risk everything. It's time to grow up.

All of a sudden. Those winds which knocked me over seem like mere gentle summer breezes. Breezes that I can move through and within. Suddenly, my attitude is I CAN DO THIS. and I WILL DO THIS. not I just don't know how to do this. Suddenly I let myself own this thought instead of merely hearing it.

I CAN.

Because it's time to grow up.

Thank goodness.

For life defining moments......uh...

thoughts.