"We Were Happy Here"

This is a quote out of a book I recently read called The Shadow Catcher by Marianne Wiggins.

The theme focuses on the past. It is about a woman who looks at a picture of her parents when she likes to think their thoughts are "we were happy here". It is a picture of them together having a good time, before her father disappeared.

Sometimes I feel this is my theme. Deeper thoughts seem to be planting their roots in me and my more reflective side has finally been reawakened after a long sleep. Today I am thinking of the concept of home.

To some people my age and even older, they still call their parents' house "home". They feel safe there and they feel a comfy loving feel when they go. I think I stopped calling my childhood home "home" after my mother died. I can't explain the feeling in words ever. The only way to touch on this is to say home cannot feel like home when it feels like one-half of your roots are abruptly lost without too much time or explanation. Reading this book was interesting. My mom lived. Oh she lived. And I have pictures of me, my dad, my mom, and my brother standing and smiling and we all seem to say with our smiles "we are happy". I used to look back on these times with the highest devotion. Treating them as sacred times and memories that couldn't ever be topped.

Grief has no time or place. Taking in stock how even today my life has been affected by the absence of a mother as I morph into the adult world sometimes leaves me feeling really alone. We all desire some sort of guidance from someone who loves us unconditionally and treats us as their child. My grief today is different. I do not feel sorry for myself or think my world is over. I merely am observing the empty spaces she left and working to grow up the best I can.

The little ones have had me exhausted all this week. Sometimes chasing down two year olds is tiring.

Quick story:

I was putting them down for a nap earlier this week and this boy who NEVER has trouble falling asleep spent about an hour tossing and turning on his cot. I had sat by him and patted him and rubbed his back and was beginning to get really frustrated that he just wasn't sleeping yet. UGH.

So finally I asked him, What's wrong?!?! What do you need? He said ONE word

"juice"

Sigh. really? so i went and got him a cup of water and he chugged it down and three minutes later was sleeping.

Simple. So simple. Can you even picture all you have to worry about is a cup of water? When i toss and turn at night, it usually involves life worries, what ifs, and what do I do now? They remind me some days that life does not require too many complications. And that I should be grateful for a bed to sleep in, water to drink, food to eat, and people to hug. Because these are the redeeming qualities in a sometimes upside down world. A hug from a friend, a good meal, and a good night's sleep.

Oh dear little ones. Your sometimes innocence is precious.