Weary + Candles

I am not ready for this weekend to be over. I feel like I could sleep for three more days!
After finally turning in my Teacher Work Sample, I felt a big load come off, but now I still have to push through about another six more weeks in this classroom. It's not that I can't do it, it's that today I feel like I can't do it.

I miss Paul already. The time we had together was like precious gold and each minute dripped away like sand through an hour-glass. We held hands. We went on a walk. We went to church together. We ate out together. We even got each other all grumpy and didn't talk for one meal! All in the brief weekend I was in Cedar Falls. It was like warm sunshine which broke through the mundane. I think that is how relationships are.

You both have mundane lives sometimes and it's hard to really connect with every conversation or even with every touch. Sometimes the conversations grow dull or similar and you find yourselves lost in the day to day stuff that happens. Then, maybe once or twice a month, you have this really great awesome conversation. Suddenly the warmth and the romance, the joy which brought you together is reflected like a million candles lighting up a dark room and that smile which you couldn't get off your face when you first fell in love comes back full-throttle. I think I would live a million mundane moments to have just a few of those flashes of warmth and pure joy.

It's tough now. We are both back to the mundaneness of day to day. We get annoyed at each other and trying to have conversations about planning and weddings becomes once again a hard thing to talk about as so much so far has fallen through. I also am wanting to finish strong out here, leaving little time to think or plan for anything.

It's not enough to say I miss him. Sure, not every moment is going to be amazing, but I think for me, it's more about learning to love and be loved. Letting him gently teach me as I humbly teach him. Letting him point out those things that I don't always like being pointed out and realizing he loves me anyways. And not being afraid to do the same for him.

I know a couple that is going through like a million different transitions right now and that's gotta be so tough. Yet I am pulling for them because sometime soon I might need someone to tell me, "we're pulling for you and Paul".