A little problem.

Attitude.

A lesson I have to remember to learn over and over again.

A good friend and I had many tough conversations about attitude throughout a hard time in my life. I was pretty much really good at throwing pity-parties and exuding negativity and miserableness.

I recently saw a poster that said, "Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference".

So true.

My attitude is something that I don't want to control me. I don't want to be defined by a self-pitying attitude. It's not attractive or productive. It covers up the best of who I am and turns me into my worst self.

Often when this type of attitude comes over me, I'll do anything I can to get the most out of it. I'll sit in it, throw it around in the air, spread it around to others, and make sure I don't have a good day.

Then there are brief moments when someone I love and respect will tell me how it is, in a gentle and honest way, and I'll realize how much I've been dragging myself down. I am reminded that I can CHOOSE to be who I want to be, just as much as the kids I work with can choose, so can I. I don't have to be this way or that way.

I can
Just
Be
Myself.

And that's OK.

No one has signed an order that I must be miserable.

It's easy to think and believe that just because a few hard things happen in your life, you are somehow required to live in misery, always expecting the worst.

That is not who I am. Nor how I want to live.

I want to expect the best out of every day rather than expecting it to be miserable.

I don't want to sit by and wait for miracles to happen in my life, I want to make my life miraculous. And in so many ways, it already is.

I forget sometimes.
I forget the beauty there is in each day.
I forget that I am blessed with people to love.
And people who love me.
I forget that though I don't have the best job in the world,
I am employed.
I forget that every day at Y-Care I see smiles
That I helped create.
I forget that every time I'm a stranger in yet another classroom,
I have the power to make or break a child's day.
I forget that making miracles,
Is only so difficult as a quick phone call
Or short text.

I don't want to sit around and mope.

This is my declaration. My declaration of freedom to be the person I KNOW is inside of me. The eternal soul that rests within these skin and bones. The part of me that has so much to offer but gets covered up by the daily grit and grime.

So I declare.

Freedom.