I dreamed.
And in my dream, I saw him again. I had my school bag on and we were at a wedding reception, not ours, someone else's. I dreamed we sat and laughed. I didn't know what to say, I hadn't seen him in so long.
After eating I dreamed that I told him to wait for me and I went to put my school bag away. But I couldn't find where my car was parked and it took many and much wandering about to shed my baggage. All the while I was nervous, would he really wait for me? Was I taking too long to release this burden?
Finally I got rid of my burden. And I went back to where I thought he was waiting. Yet I woke up. I don't know if he was still waiting for me or not. School is between us now. I feel the burden of distance and the questions in my mind. Will he wait for me? I already know the answers.
What a strange dream. I loved the symbolism I sensed in it though.
That was the dream I had about Paul.
To change the subject. Marriage is a beautiful commitment. Yet it's never easy to truly fully one-hundred percent commit to something or someone. I can only say I look forward to it.
I can't think of the ways that marriage will call me to be responsible. I think I will learn even more so how to keep my house up a bit better. I think that I will be responsible for supporting Paul. I will be responsible for confronting him when I feel it's necessary, even if the issue is not between us. I will be responsible for accepting his family as well as somewhat leaving my own, not entirely, but somewhat. I will be responsible for telling him when I need help with something or when I'm having a hard day. I will be responsible for listening to him and caring about him when he has a hard day. Some nights maybe I will be exhausted. Yet still have to do a load of laundry or dishes or make supper. I will be responsible for completing school work in a timely manner so that him and I have time to spend together, building on our relationship.
I can't picture all I will be faced with when it comes to marriage. Yet some part of me, while a little scared, is confident that we will work it out. Trust and communication have thus far been cornerstones of our relationship, causing little drama and a productive manner of working through conflicts and problems. He never hesitates to ask and can sense when I need to talk. Which is def. a blessing. He doesn't force me to explain myself, but stays and waits long enough until it is naturally brought up by me. In the same way, i always ask "what do you mean by that?", especially if I sense anger or frustration.
Although I feel I don't know everything about marriage, I also don't feel that I am totally unaware of what marriage is. I feel I have a realistic view, as realistic as I can without having done it.
It's hard to explain to people sometimes why I know this is right.
Yet it is.
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5 comments:
hmmm
yes...
LOVED the dream...so symbolic! & u r right about the preparing 4 such a huge commitment. all u can really do is be ready! ya know? i don't think anyone ever knows all they need 2 before saying "i do" but its part of taking that "leap of faith" in trust even if you can't c where u will land. u r trusting that no matter wat happens...u will land together. & that is beautiful.
i know we've talked about this b4, but again, u never have to convince ANYONE that ur relationship is "right". it will wear u out, plus it is impossible. they will have 2 decide on their own. its a decision they have 2 make, and even wen u want to, u can't make it for them. sucks i know. but, true.
love 2 ya my friend,
this was very beautiful. hmmm i second everything aj said. am excited for you to be married!
I love dreams and their symbolism. Many times they hold a lot of meaning b/c our sub-consciousness is trying to tell us something. I would encourage you to listen to it and really analyze it.
Keep in mind that relationships do require work to build and grow. But if they are right and centered on Christ, you should never have to convince your family or anyone else that the person you've chosen as a mate is the right person for you. They'll be able to see it as easily as you do.
Also, those relationships have to be given an opportunity grow and need to be fostered over time just like the relationship between you and your potential mate. It can't be sprung on them and it would not be fair to expect family and friends to automatically accept the person. Make sure that you are being fair all around. People that love you and are concerned about you tend to be over protective - and with good reason.
Oh, if only I had listened when people were trying to help me.
Good point. Until a person sees us together and knows what Paul and I are like together, it's tough for them to decide about the relationship.
I do wish that my family was closer and could spend more time with Paul and I. Many of my close friends from where Paul and I met know both of us and welcome us easily as a pair. When distances are so great, it's tough to find time to allow those relationships to foster in a way that would make certain things easier for people to accept.
It takes work! You have to make the effort to schedule events for people to meet - dinner at your house (and make Troy be there!), dinner at your dad's house, hang out together, TALK to each other, find things in common. It really makes it easier on everyone. They can't be "for" this unless they have a comfort level with it. People only respond poorly and/or negatively because they are concerned for you. They love you and want the best for you. I know I keep going on and on about this. But I've been there before. People tried to tell me the same things and I just didn't listen. And it really hurt those relationships. I had to do a lot of work to repair them after the fact. So when you feel like everyone is asking too many questions and inserting their opinion too much or you just don't think you can handle another dinner conversation with me or Karen or someone at church, just know that we've been there, we've experienced these things, gotten hurt, and we just want you to have the happy ending that we never got. Does it mean that just because ours went bad that everyone's does? No. And we realize that. But we do know some things to be aware of, to watch out for. It's great to talk with people like Sherri who got married young and are still happy. But don't discount everyone else's opinon either. In the process of it all, we're not trying to say anything bad about Paul - we've never met him. Therefore we can't judge him. So it's not about him at all. I'm interested to meet him in November and I know you're excited that he'll be here. It's the south gurl and you know we're gonna be all up in your mess! :) Love ya like a sister!
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