Letting Go of Monkeys.

It's funny how another's words can inspire emotions in my own soul.
I never used to read things and cry.
This softness of my heart I believe started when I began to accept,
That God gives me grace.
It's so easy to be so hard on ourselves.
To go back and rethink and let our past haunt us.
It's strange and yet somewhat understandable how things
Cycle.
The one year anniversary of my mom's death,
I had to go through a whole battle of
Accepting that things weren't my fault.
That nothing I did or didn't do could have changed the
Outcome.
My refusal to deal with that shade of guilt and that sense of responsibility
Led to blame and bitterness.
When we feel guilty
I think the first thing we do is find someone else to blame.
In many moments and many whispers,
I had to hear "it's not your fault"
Some days I feel so burdened with
My family's loss and pain.
I'm sure others have felt the same for their families.
I didn't know that was the monkey on my back at that time
Yet, the monkey comes back to visit
Again the guilt shades my view
And I feel responsible for all their pain.
People always used to tell me
That the death of my mother,
Would always affect me.
Freedom that was once had,
Can be sought again.
Yet sometimes I still am afraid
of
Letting Go.